Male porn is obvious - some near nudity and sexual innuendo at a minimum, and there you are. We might even be able to argue for a lower minimum.
But what of something that does not look like that at all? We might justify ourselves for a very long time. A very long time in deed.
Let's define porn as media(books, magazines, movies, etc.) related to mating, that is detrimental to real relationships. Pornography is dangerous because it weakens our ability for relationships, real or future. It sets up unrealistic expectations and acts as a kind of gratification fantasy that where we get what we want, from people that we will never have a real relationship with.
Where ordinary porn shows unrealistic women, romance novels and movies, show unrealistic men - that is to say, 99% of men are not like that. Instead of tittilating and flattering with the body, it tittilates with the emotions. This is a problem because it sets up unrealistic expectations in actual relationships. The man has become used to unrealistic expectations in terms of bodily figure and willingness because that is what he has acclimatized himself to think of as normal while being desensitized to ordinary women. Meanwhile the woman has been unconsciously acclimated to Mr. Darcy or Dr. McDreamy for the same reasons and likewise similarly desensitized towards ordinary men. If you asked them, would they recognize this?
No, probably not.
These expectations sit just below conscious realization and do a lot to frustrate couples, married and otherwise when things are not as exciting or passionate or romantic as they might hope. But doesn't every woman deserve this in a relationship? Perhaps, but neither life nor marriage are
places to demand what we feel entitled too.
Neither of these forms of porn make demands of us, put our own desires first and foremost, and so by consuming, we put ourselves first. That is why they are enjoyable, because whether meant for men or women, they put what each gender looks out for, first.
Books and movies like Eat, Love, Pray or Pretty Woman, are most comparable to hard core
pornography in how self-gratification is indulged and rewarded, even while actions have not been
righteous. Even while outwardly speaking of love, neither reader nor main character makes the
sacrifices a real relationship requires; they make no demands of us. The same atmosphere that focuses attention on self in ordinary porn works similarly in female porn. Can we justify it because masturbation or orgasm are less likely? No, that is a difference in how our bodies and minds work, but the spiritual damage, and injury to relationship-ability, is the same.
What if we recognize that what we are seeing is unrealistic? Does not matter. (BBC link if you don't like academic papers)
The justifications will fly thick and fast, but it isn't doing anyone any good.
